The Tragedy in Newtown: theme for the week of 12/16/12 - Occupy Cafe2024-03-28T22:07:27Zhttp://www.occupycafe.org/forum/topics/the-tragedy-in-newtown-theme-for-the-week-of-12-16-12?commentId=6451976%3AComment%3A36148&feed=yes&xn_auth=noToday I learned that the ange…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2013-01-11:6451976:Comment:367462013-01-11T00:14:57.783ZBen Robertshttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/BenRoberts
<p>Today I learned that the angels were each taken home by one of the families that lost a child. That warns my heart. And it also seems like a lesson in how easy it is for me to misplace anger and how destructive a habit judgment is.</p>
<p>Here are some additional images from the shrine, near its last days:…<a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539480?profile=original" target="_self"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539480?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="721"></img></a></p>
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<p>Today I learned that the angels were each taken home by one of the families that lost a child. That warns my heart. And it also seems like a lesson in how easy it is for me to misplace anger and how destructive a habit judgment is.</p>
<p>Here are some additional images from the shrine, near its last days:<a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539480?profile=original" target="_self"><img width="721" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539480?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="721" class="align-full"/></a></p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503540663?profile=original" target="_self"><img width="721" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503540663?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="721" class="align-full"/></a></p> They took down the angel shri…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2013-01-08:6451976:Comment:367392013-01-08T15:57:26.359ZBen Robertshttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/BenRoberts
<p>They took down the angel shrine a few days ago. I find myself puzzled and angered by this. It was not going to rot. It was not in anyone's way. It's as if some people think we should limit all signs of mourning or remembrance and only allow such things in official granite-inscribed designated-area-bound form. God forbid we let ourselves be reminded too often or inconveniently of the pain we all feel.</p>
<p>They took down the angel shrine a few days ago. I find myself puzzled and angered by this. It was not going to rot. It was not in anyone's way. It's as if some people think we should limit all signs of mourning or remembrance and only allow such things in official granite-inscribed designated-area-bound form. God forbid we let ourselves be reminded too often or inconveniently of the pain we all feel.</p> Here is a link to "Do As One"…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2012-12-27:6451976:Comment:366012012-12-27T20:57:54.187ZDyck Dewidhttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/DyckDewid
<p>Here is a link to <a href="http://doasone.com/Default.aspx" target="_blank">"Do As One"</a> where this site helps link people from all around the globe synchronously. </p>
<p>It shows where other earth inhabitants are located who are 'with you' on the site. It has several 'rooms' you can choose from, such as one for <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Meditation</span>, for <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Breathing</span>, for…</p>
<p>Here is a link to <a href="http://doasone.com/Default.aspx" target="_blank">"Do As One"</a> where this site helps link people from all around the globe synchronously. </p>
<p>It shows where other earth inhabitants are located who are 'with you' on the site. It has several 'rooms' you can choose from, such as one for <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Meditation</span>, for <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Breathing</span>, for <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Om</span>, and <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Color.</span> There are options if you like in each room to adjust e.g. ambiance sounds, colors, timer sound, visual designs...</p>
<p>Occasionally they post an event or a word to be the focus for all who wish to do it that way. There are other sites too.</p>
<p>I was emotional with strong connection during the Breathing As One.</p> And here's what it looked lik…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2012-12-26:6451976:Comment:364992012-12-26T19:47:43.100ZBen Robertshttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/BenRoberts
<p>And here's what it looked like on Christmas morning:</p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539240?profile=original" target="_self"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539240?profile=original" width="640" class="align-full"/></a></p>
<p>And here's what it looked like on Christmas morning:</p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539240?profile=original" target="_self"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539240?profile=original" width="640" class="align-full"/></a></p> A song my step-son's forme…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2012-12-26:6451976:Comment:365022012-12-26T19:26:29.481ZBen Robertshttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/BenRoberts
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<p>A song my step-son's former piano teacher recorded with some local…</p>
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<p>A song my step-son's former piano teacher recorded with some local children.</p>
<p> </p> The beauty of this poem taps-…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2012-12-25:6451976:Comment:363682012-12-25T18:13:08.131ZDyck Dewidhttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/DyckDewid
<p>The beauty of this poem taps-in to my now distant memory of being a young parent... when my children asked so many questions, needed to know so urgently, and who tested so literally. How could I not tell them the truth, I thought... what a huge responsibility, how could I forsake them, how could I fool those beautiful, innocent, vital little people? </p>
<p>And to my surprise they were, with their loving trust, teaching me I had such a jumble of bullshit inside me... illusions, assumptions,…</p>
<p>The beauty of this poem taps-in to my now distant memory of being a young parent... when my children asked so many questions, needed to know so urgently, and who tested so literally. How could I not tell them the truth, I thought... what a huge responsibility, how could I forsake them, how could I fool those beautiful, innocent, vital little people? </p>
<p>And to my surprise they were, with their loving trust, teaching me I had such a jumble of bullshit inside me... illusions, assumptions, prejudices, dark places, etc.. I had a lot of work to do so I could give them my best, most honest answers and guidance. What a cleaning they caused in me... a lifelong cleaning! I thought I had things all straight before they got those little fingers into my heart. Nothing's been the same since.</p>
<p>Why doesn't 'society' know of these things? I must learn for myself and turn them upside down...</p>
<blockquote><p>I learn much more from children than they learn from me. And I might extend this to all 'innocents' 'meek ones' 'tender ones' 'disabled' 'weakened' 'hurt ones' ... all the ones who I "supposedly" have advantage over. But, who are in fact the ones, who if I serve in my fullest capacity and most honestly, will thereby imbue the most important and true lessons of life.</p>
</blockquote> Snowing tonight in Newtown. W…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2012-12-25:6451976:Comment:362832012-12-25T04:08:31.794ZBen Robertshttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/BenRoberts
Snowing tonight in Newtown. Watched my two year old grandson, who lives in Sandy Hook, play an animal in the xmas pageant earlier today. Winding down and looking forward to resting and being with family. Grateful for all the many gifts we have. Merry xmas to my Occupy Cafe friends.
Snowing tonight in Newtown. Watched my two year old grandson, who lives in Sandy Hook, play an animal in the xmas pageant earlier today. Winding down and looking forward to resting and being with family. Grateful for all the many gifts we have. Merry xmas to my Occupy Cafe friends. Three GroupWorks cards I have…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2012-12-24:6451976:Comment:362812012-12-24T14:35:23.052ZBen Robertshttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/BenRoberts
<p>Three <a href="http://www.groupworksdeck.org/" target="_blank">GroupWorks</a> cards I have pulled in the past twenty-four hours or so, that are on my desk in front of me right now (in the order they appeared):…</p>
<p><a href="http://www.groupworksdeck.org/patterns/Taking_Responsibility" target="_blank"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503542991?profile=original" width="300"></img></a></p>
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<p><a href="http://groupworksdeck.org/patterns/Seasoned_Timing" target="_blank"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503544246?profile=original" width="300"></img></a></p>
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<p>Three <a href="http://www.groupworksdeck.org/" target="_blank">GroupWorks</a> cards I have pulled in the past twenty-four hours or so, that are on my desk in front of me right now (in the order they appeared):</p>
<p><a href="http://www.groupworksdeck.org/patterns/Taking_Responsibility" target="_blank"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503542991?profile=original" width="300" class="align-full"/></a></p>
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<p><a href="http://groupworksdeck.org/patterns/Seasoned_Timing" target="_blank"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503544246?profile=original" width="300" class="align-full"/></a></p>
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<p><a href="http://groupworksdeck.org/patterns/Dwell_with_Emotions" target="_blank"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503545347?profile=original" width="300" class="align-full"/></a></p> In the first post of this thr…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2012-12-24:6451976:Comment:363662012-12-24T13:13:35.185ZBen Robertshttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/BenRoberts
<p>In the first post of this thread, my friend Bruce refers to an image that is no longer one you now see above. At a certain point during the week when I felt like stepping into the light, I changed from the original image I used to one of the angel shrine which is now on Church Hill Road, on your left as you drive down into Sandy Hook Center from Exit 10 of Interstate 84. I had walked past it on Sunday the 16th just after it had been set up and found it so sweet and moving that my heart…</p>
<p>In the first post of this thread, my friend Bruce refers to an image that is no longer one you now see above. At a certain point during the week when I felt like stepping into the light, I changed from the original image I used to one of the angel shrine which is now on Church Hill Road, on your left as you drive down into Sandy Hook Center from Exit 10 of Interstate 84. I had walked past it on Sunday the 16th just after it had been set up and found it so sweet and moving that my heart called loudly to me to offer that vision in place of the darker one I had first used. Here is that original image:</p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503538405?profile=original" target="_self"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503538405?profile=original" width="500" class="align-full"/></a></p>
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<p>Interestingly, I had to go back to Google images to find this again, as I had deleted it from my desktop the other day to clean things up there. The reason I was doing that is that I had changed my desktop wallpaper from an image of snow covered trees in winter (below--my wallpaper for the past several years) to the angel shrine image you now see above. Having done so, I didn't like the way the various icons on my desktop, including a link to that grief image, were covering up some of the angels in the foreground. So I cleaned up my desktop, which is something I rarely do either in its virtual version or in the physical space of my Newtown home office, from which I am writing this now. I expect that one of the "small" ways in which these tragic events have changed me is that am now committing myself to being a much less "sloppy" person, per the suggestion of my new spiritual inspiration, <a href="http://www.shambhala.com/shambhala-3.html" target="_blank">Chogyam Trungpa</a>.</p>
<p>Normally, I credit the source for the images I use, but I had failed to do so (or even to look at the source I was getting that image of grief from) the first time around. It was easy to find that picture again though, and this time I also checked out the page that it was linked to. It's a piece by Judy Mills entitled <a href="http://ecoaffect.org/2011/08/10/supporting-people-in-their-climate-grief/" target="_blank">Supporting People in their Climate Grief</a>, on the ecoAffect blog. Climate was, coincidentally, our theme in the Cafe during the week of the shootings. Here's an excerpt:</p>
<blockquote><p><span>When someone suggested I write about climate-change denial this week, I thought I was clever in deciding to address denial as but one stage of what surely is a collective grieving process. After all, we are not just losing glaciers and coastlines. We are losing seasonal certainty. Worse yet, we may have to change, and people grieve during periods of significant change – even good change.</span></p>
<p><span><span>Grief over climatic changes makes solid sense. And so does the fact that people are moving around among denial, anger, bargaining and depression, often fighting acceptance tooth and nail. Many have dug in for long-term stays in denial...</span></span></p>
<p>As it turns out, a bunch of people have mulled and remulled the five stages of climate grief long before me, including a <a href="http://www.newwest.net/topic/article/nobel_winner_lectures_on_the_five_stages_of_climate_grief/C502/L38/" target="_blank">Nobel laureate</a>, a widely published <a href="http://lamarguerite.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/grieving-life-before-global-warming/" target="_blank">California social worker</a> and a <a href="http://www.greenminimalist.net/the-five-stages-of-environmentalist-grief" target="_blank">blogger less than half my age</a>.</p>
<p>In the interest of exploring new ground, let’s talk about how best to communicate with people in the throws of grieving a significant loss or change. I know what felt good to me after the double blows of losing both my parents in the same month. I also know what rankled and rewounded me, what sent me back to denial, anger bargaining and depression, and also what eased me toward acceptance.</p>
<p>I wonder how we might employ what’s known about communicating with the bereaved to reach the hearts and minds of a broad American populous that may be silently – and not so silently, as in the case of Rush Limbaugh – grieving the loss of climate as they have known, loved and depended on it. Firstly, we would benefit from taking into account their diminished state. Yes, even those entrenched in denial. Secondly, we may have better luck getting through if we approach them in some of the ways recommended by grief experts.</p>
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<p>Mills then posts an excerpt from <a href="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/helping_grieving.htm" target="_blank">Helpguide.org</a><span> which she says "offers a summary of what is, in my experience, some of the best advice" on how to have conversations with those in the throws of grief (in general). </span></p>
<blockquote><p>The bereaved struggle with many intense and frightening emotions, including depression, anger, and guilt.</p>
<p><strong>There is no right or wrong way to grieve. </strong>Grief does not always unfold in orderly, predictable stages. Everyone grieves differently, so avoid telling the bereaved what they “should” be feeling or doing.</p>
<p><strong>Grief may involve extreme emotions and behaviors.</strong> Don’t judge them or take their grief reactions personally.</p>
<p><strong>There is no set timetable for grieving. </strong>For many people, recovery after bereavement takes 18 to 24 months, but for others, the grieving process may be longer or shorter. Don’t pressure the bereaved to move on or make them feel like they’ve been grieving too long. This can actually slow their healing.</p>
<p>Almost everyone worries about what to say to people who are grieving. <strong>But knowing how to listen is much more important.</strong> Invite the grieving person to openly express his or her feelings.</p>
<p><strong>Accept and acknowledge all feelings. </strong>Don’t try to reason with them over how they should or shouldn’t feel. The bereaved should feel free to express their feelings, without fear of judgment, argument, or criticism.</p>
<p><strong>Offer comfort and reassurance without minimizing the loss.</strong> Tell the bereaved that what they’re feeling is okay.</p>
<p><strong>Continue your support over the long haul.</strong> Stay in touch with the grieving person, periodically checking in.</p>
<p><strong>The pain of bereavement may never fully heal.</strong> Be sensitive to the fact that life may never feel the same.</p>
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<p>Words of wisdom that those of us here in Newtown, and all the kind souls around the world who are reaching out to us in an empathic embrace, would do well to be guided by.</p>
<p>Here is my old desktop picture, one of a series taken outside my home in 2010:</p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539475?profile=original" target="_self"><img width="721" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503539475?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="721" class="align-full"/></a></p>
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<p>And here is a picture I took of the angel shrine when I revisited Sandy Hook yesterday, with my twenty year old daughter who came up to Newtown from NYC:<br/><br/><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503540721?profile=original" target="_self"><img width="721" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1503540721?profile=RESIZE_1024x1024" width="721" class="align-full"/></a></p> Also reminded of the poem my…tag:www.occupycafe.org,2012-12-24:6451976:Comment:364942012-12-24T07:00:29.401ZBen Robertshttp://www.occupycafe.org/profile/BenRoberts
<p>Also reminded of the poem my sister-in-law Felicia wrote this week:</p>
<p>NOT ALL IS BRIGHT</p>
<p>They sprout and grow, like sweet little weeds<br></br>Stretching up towards our light.<br></br>Never having been the sun before,<br></br>we look down and somehow shine.</p>
<p>And we keep secrets that the sun never had:<br></br>That our encircling arms will never quite manage to shut out all the dark.</p>
<p>That we ourselves are flawed <br></br>and frightened of the dark<br></br>And that we fail. We live in the…</p>
<p>Also reminded of the poem my sister-in-law Felicia wrote this week:</p>
<p>NOT ALL IS BRIGHT</p>
<p>They sprout and grow, like sweet little weeds<br/>Stretching up towards our light.<br/>Never having been the sun before,<br/>we look down and somehow shine.</p>
<p>And we keep secrets that the sun never had:<br/>That our encircling arms will never quite manage to shut out all the dark.</p>
<p>That we ourselves are flawed <br/>and frightened of the dark<br/>And that we fail. We live in the shadows that we cast.</p>
<p>Not all is calm,<br/>Not all is bright.</p>
<p>How to explain to a small, trusting heart<br/>That the Thing under the bed is us?</p>