It's funny to think that our tears can be occupied. Like there is some divine presence on the inside of our tears. I remember one time Rabbi Gafni said that God cries on the inside not on the outside [of His face, presumably] because if one single one of God's tears fell and touched the Earth, the whole world would become destroyed because God's pain is infinite.

I thought it was beautiful, to think that.

Why is there such a deep deep depth to pain and sorrow? There is something deeply horrific in the condition of the human experience. It is horrifying. I used to think it was because like, for example, with painting, contrast plays a huge role in the evaluation of beauty. When purple is next to yellow, both the purple and the yellow become extremely emphasized. Something is not just purple, it becomes EXTREMELY purple, next to something EXTREMELY yellow. The extremes become emphasized, because they are opposites on the color wheel. The same for light and dark, the brightest bright next to the darkest dark, emphasizes contrast, like saying, 'look, BOTH of these things are totally there.'

But when I contemplate the beauty of the rest of the universe, beyond human experience, it is a totally different kind of majesty. A beauty that needs no opposite; a beauty beyond contrast. The 'experience' of enormous stars crashing together in space is astoundingly beautiful and majestic because it is surrounded by so much space. The horrific and destructive parts of human experience, however, are not like that. Our experience is not encased in serenity, it is encased in garbage. We have basically surrounded ourselves with massive amounts of garbage, so that our house is garbage. Our whole context is no longer the unspeakable majesty of space, or even really the majesty of plant life, but basically insatiable lust and garbage.

Why is there such a depth of horror in the human experience?

I think if someone I love asked me that question I would say: it doesn't make sense. We are simply a tricky, tricky animal. But the truth is, I've wondered this question (of why) for years and years, and contemplated it over and over again, and I just simply don't know. I don't understand. Each time I figure out another way to explain it, I reflect and notice that I still don't understand. I don't even understand more; despite all the ways I've figured out to explain it, it still baffles me. It baffles me completely. It is possible it will baffle me completely, forever.

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